Five Loaves And Two Fish...

Recently I stepped out in faith to start something that has been brewing in my heart for as long as I can remember.....the planting of AMAI -a call to mothers to rise up and nurture the children in our time. Incidentally, just a few weeks earlier I had also just taken an opportunity to start a fish delivery business in Zimbabwe and had set up a facebook page for it. Now, I have two boys aged 6 and 8 and when they saw the facebook page the 8yr old said ,"I'm sure Jesus would like your page mum because fish was his favourite food". Pause. And then his brother finished off for him, "Yes mum.... Don't you remember that He even once made enough fish for 5000 people from just 2 fish? Maybe you should add a picture of the bread you make as that was His other favourite". I laughed about it.


However, about a week or so later, while I was engaged in my day to day activities, that conversation re-played in my head and then something leapt up in my spirit. I opened my Bible to where this particular story was and by the time I got to the end of that very short story which I had read so many times before, I was in tears. This is a story that took place more than two thousand years ago but it was definitely a word in season for me. Jesus had just returned from praying in a solitary place as He often did. A large crowd had gathered to listen to Him teach and He healed those that were sick out of compassion for them. As evening dawned upon them, the disciples urged Him to send the crowds away as they did not have enough food to feed such a large crowd. BUT Jesus told them to "feed the people". They looked at the food they had available to them.....five loaves and two fish....to be shared among five thousand people? How ridiculous! We probably have the advantage of knowing how the story ended but the disciples had no clue. All they knew was that the food was insufficient. I wonder if Jesus even did a headcount first so He could be more specific when praying....so he could make sure there would be enough for everyone before he started handing it out? The story says all He did was take the bread and fish, look up to heaven and He gave thanks then He broke the bread and gave it to the disciples. It does not say the bread grew bigger or turned into thousands of loaves. He simply kept giving from that same loaf. In my mind's eye I see the disciples each with a piece of the bread and just walking around and continuing to break chunks from the never diminishing original piece.

Here then is where the threads link-; AMAI is a ministry born from the depths of my heart and is a step of faith to reach out to those children that have been orphaned. When my children first made reference to that Bible passage after seeing my page, I did not immediately make the connection. It took a few days for me to get the significance of that innocent conversation from two little boys who were just being a bit nosey :).  My loaves and fish have not grown bigger or miraculously multiplied but rather, I'm looking upwards as I embark on this walk of faith. When I got in touch with orphanages back in Zimbabwe just to find out what the most pressing needs were, they sent through their lists of foodstuffs and other necessities that have been in short supply. I looked at the lists, maybe more like the disciples looked at the crowds and then at the two fish plus five loaves. The sums did not add up but my maternal heart refused and still refuses to look away from OUR children. They need us and we can do so much more together. The plight of the orphan child is one that calls for the attention of not just one or a handful of people. For those who use facebook and would like to join in with the vision of this cause you can visit https://www.facebook.com/pages/AMAI/341988939250670. Let's look upwards and respond to those cries. Our children need us.

Blessings.

AMAI

From the time I was just a little girl I've had a heart for the orphans. In fact, it was such a strong stirring which always led me to pray that one day God would make me "rich enough" so I could help ALL the orphans. Whenever I could, I made time to visit some orphanages just to spend time with the babies and kids. Years later I was blessed with my own baby. One day as I held my nursing baby in my arms, that stirring returned with an intensity like never before. I suddenly became very aware that somewhere in this world there were millions of babies just like my own who were hungering and thirsting for love and more love. I wept. But I was still not exactly "rich enough". So I continued my prayer for provision so I could make a difference in the lives of orphaned children.

21 months later I held my second baby in my arms and totally drank in all the joy and fulfillment that motherhood brought with it. I cared for my children and continued to support them as they grew. I could see the difference I was making in their lives and they too were making a difference in mine....BUT.....I still wasn't financially "rich enough".
Then the realization hit me hard -what exactly is "rich enough"? Do we have to be wealthy to take care of the orphans in our time? As long as we have women/mothers/aunts/grandmas/sisters walking on Planet Earth then we really shouldn't have 'orphans' in our midst.
AMAI is a call to women everywhere to rise up , spread out our arms and embrace the children of our time. Its not a call to the wealthy, its a call to every woman. Our children need us. Mothers where are you? Vana AMAI muri kupi?

Precious Flower

I got the news on Monday the 6th of February.I had only four more days left of my holiday in Africa. Upon reflection, the way the news was delivered reminds me of those times when someone says to you, "I've got good news and bad news.....now which would you rather hear first?". Only difference in this case was that there was no option to choose which I would have preferred to hear or experience first. The events just unfolded and left us crying and praying it was a dream. I hoped it was a mistake. An error. In my own way I remember and possibly always will remember that day and that  moment. The pain , the shock, the longing to wake up and realize it was all a dream....a bad dream even though everything around me clearly shouted that this was no dream. Still, I did literally pinch myself just to be sure.


That afternoon I had received a call from my sister telling me that our other sister (first cousin) had just been blessed with a little baby boy. We celebrated and I thanked God for His faithfulness. I was also glad because this meant I would get to share in the joyous celebrations of meeting this brand new addition to the family before I headed back to England. I told my boys the wonderful news and they were so excited and eager to meet their little cousin. Questions poured out...."What was his name? How did he come out of aunty's tummy?" Most importantly , "when would they get to meet him?" We were about two hours drive away and were getting ready to leave for Harare (where she was), when we got this great news. By the time we got to Harare it was evening and it looked like we would not make it to the clinic for visiting hour. We would have to go the next morning even though we were so excited and really eager to meet him and welcome him that very same day.


When my phone rang just before 8pm I could tell something was not right....call it a premonition maybe or a God whisper , because there was nothing different about the ringtone. Hearing my sister on the other end of the telephone gave voice to the premonition. She was sobbing uncontrollably and I barely managed to catch the words the first time round. Eventually she managed to deliver the second piece of news that day....the bad news...Our precious new flower had gone back home to be with the Lord.


Time literally stood still in those moments after the phone call. My older son (7) who is a very sensitive individual and has such a gentle spirit immediately broke down. He asked questions that I could not answer, for I too was battling - trying to process the news . He asked why and how God could let an innocent baby die without even giving him the chance to play in the world? Did God not know that they were eager to meet their cousin? Was it painful for him? All I could do was pray and ask God to reveal Himself to my little baby and help him come to terms with what he was experiencing. And  He did, for although  my son still looked hurt and sad, he wiped his tears and said ,"Mum do you think right now there's a welcome party in heaven for aunty's baby so he wont feel lonely and sad even though we miss him?". I thanked God and was glad to have my dad there talking to both my kids and addressing whatever questions they had in a way that only a loving granddad can. My brother and I set off for the clinic so we could be with our beloved cousin in what I reckon would be one of her darkest hours ever. We drove down Enterprise Road in Harare and it  was well after 8 pm . As we drove,the song that was playing over and over was, 'You are God, you are God , forever you will be'.


I remember getting to the Clinic -a maternity clinic , where people normally go to for the joyous celebrations of new arrivals. I saw a small bundle bundle being carried out of the building as I walked through the gates of Baines clinic. At that moment I felt the world stop within me . It was as though for that moment the world had taken a deep breath in and and just held still. Emotions froze, sounds froze, my mind froze....yet my feet continued move. I wanted to run and take the bundle , to hug and kiss him, to pray over Him and see him restored to life, to shout out as Jesus did when He raised Jarius' daughter, 'He is not dead, he's just sleeping' but yet in that same moment I felt so helpless and at a loss of words. I had so much to say yet nothing to say.


I never got to meet him, embrace him, feel his tiny fingers curl around my finger, whisper gently into his ears , kiss his baby soft and chubby cheeks.....but still I loved him. I could not begin to imagine what my dear sister was going through. To have carried her precious flower in her womb for nine months and felt the kicks and movements of this wonderful gift, to have laboured for hours and finally held him in her arms then have him taken away and return to be with The Lord just hours later......my heart ached and wept. I cried for her , I cried for the nephew I had never got to  meet yet I still hoped it was a nightmare that I would awaken from. Yet no one shook me to try and wake me up for everyone around me was also trying to come to terms with the reality of the loss we had just experienced. I still cannot comprehend the ache in my sister's heart that arose from the empty arms when her milk flowed in or how she must have felt after having experienced something like that. That kind of pain....the pain of losing a child just hours after laboring and pushing, is the kind that is sharp,unkind and with rugged edges that tear at the heart.


I wondered whether our little flower had felt pain as he left the world....what had been going on in that little heart of his?


In the midst of it all I never doubted God's sovereignity. I knew He was there, I knew He could see and feel her pain, her tears and He was right there. Theories, explanations and sterile philosophies work and sound good in the absence of the kind of pain and loss that cannot be fully expressed through words but can only be felt by the heart . In those moments of pain ,tragedy and turmoil that only the soul understands and no words can capture, comfort, strength and wisdom can only be drawn from God's presence, where you find Him in that stillness and experience Him as your great encourager and comforter who is faithful to fulfill His promise to always be close to you when you are broken hearted.


To all who have walked through the incomprehensible pain of losing a child, may you always find strength and comfort in the hope of eternity where you will forever be reunited and the pain forever wiped away.
 To our precious little flower....miss you little buddy - you were and still are loved

Roots

Most, if not all families have some sort of drama going on. As can be expected, the larger the family, the more the drama. This however is not in any way an indication that family is not necessary or important. In most parts of Africa when people are introduced to each other especially to elderly folk, they will normally ask about family names, lineage, villages of origin,and a whole lot more 'root search' oriented type questions. All the while the endeavor being to try and establish some sort of connection to each other. If it does happen that there is one common ancestor friend or acquaintance, kinship of sorts is immediately established, no matter how distant or far fetched the ties are. Family relations are very important and highly valued although of course, those squabbles and rivalries within families abound.

When we lived in Australia, somehow the distance and different time zones made us feel in some ways a bit untethered to family. Despite the advanced technology, there was still that certain level of disconnectedness especially given that it was so costly to think of regularly visiting relatives and family in Africa. There's only so much you can share over the phone and as the years pile up, it seems the conversations can get shorter especially for kids because what do you talk about when your day to day worlds are so different and thats before you even put into consideration the time difference. When they were up we were sleeping and vice versa and so phone calls had to be planned carefully so you could at least find them awake enough for a decent conversation. Geographical proximity to family was one of the push factors that saw us bidding farewell to The Land Down Under.

Family gives one a place of belonging and identity. Recently I took my kids to Zimbabwe, my home country to meet the family and to be honest I was as nervous as I was excited on the way there. Would they bond with the cousins they had never met, would they know how to relate to the grandparents they had only gotten to know over the phone and through photos but on whose knees they had never had the chance to sit on, had never had the chance to play whatever games it is grandparents play with their grandkids or ever felt the warm cushiony feel of grandma.Grandma's scent and touch could not be transmitted over the phone, she had never wiped the tears off their cheeks or kissed their bruised knees better when they fell. Would they relate like total strangers? Would there be such a huge gap between them and their family relations filled with nothing but polite conversation with no soul or depth? Of course I was excited but not sure what to expect ....would the years and distance have erected a wall or would the love in our hearts make the connection instant?

When we arrived at Harare airport, my dad was waiting for us and my son somehow spotted him and they started waving at each other as we collected our baggage. The excitement that my kids expressed upon seeing their grandfather overwhelmed me. The way they ran to him and embraced him was as though they had always known each other. Immediately my heart smiled, I was filled with inexpressible joy, I was back home. By the time I walked through the airport gates, grandpa and his grandkids were already chit chatting.

Throughout our three weeks amongst family I watched with a warm heart as my kids enjoyed bonding with the family they had never met before. There were no formalities, no dinner appointments...the informal order of everyday made each and every moment special. One day as we lay in bed my older son who is now 7 sighed deeply and said, 'Mum, it feels so nice to be surrounded by so many people who love us and that we love. I want it to always be this way. I really feel like I'm at home'. In that moment it dawned on me that as parents, no matter how much we shower our kids with love, we can never substitute aunts, uncles, grandparents or cousins for those relationships are totally different and designed uniquely. Children need those types of bonds , they provide them with a sense of security which is irreplaceable.

Family relations in which the members are joined together by a thread of love provide a firm and solid rock that gives one a place of belonging. Even that tame never ending argument will not be strong enough to destroy the bond that was designed to be there amongst kinsfolk.

Often family is taken for granted. Jealousy, strife and pride are given room to erode the family unit, robbing the younger children of that priviledge to know, experience and feel the deep sense of security and protection that comes from being in a solid, united and loving family.

Needless to say, in the three weeks that we were there, bonds were strengthened. I once read a quote that read,"families are like fudge-mostly sweet with a few nuts". Don't give up on the sweetness of something so beautiful because of the few rough nuts (trust me, every family has some of those nuts-although some families have more than others!). Many tears were shed on the plane back to England but I was thankful that my children had got to experience what they experienced and hopefully will be experiencing more often now. I'm thankful for my family....its an honor to share and go through life surrounded by the kind of love which distance and time cannot erode.

Love and blessings

Unfeminine feminism

When the axe came into the forest, the trees said,'the handle is one of us'.

Whilst the handle most certainly did originate from the forest, it returned no longer as just wood but with the potential to wipe out the forest. At the risk of stepping on toes, I cannot help but observe how the 'forest and axe' scenario somehow can allegorically give a glimpse into the world of feminism versus being feminine.

Feminism is 'the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social and economic equality to men'. On the other hand the term 'feminine' refers to qualities or appearances traditionally associated with women, qualities such as prettiness, delicacy, nurturing,kindness,understanding and the list goes on. While the heart of feminism is probably in the right place, it does seem though that the execution of the goal (ie equal rights),if left unchecked, can silently execute femininity. Picture this, if these two terms were human then Feminism would probably be feeding Feminine with one hand while 'gently' strangling her throat with the other hand. Some of the most prominent feminists do come across as very unfeminine and paint feminine qualities as weak.Feminism and being feminine should be complementary. Empower women to flourish in their respective roles.

So,is being feminine slowly becoming replaced by a new form of 'masculine-femininity'? Queen Elizabeth 1 once said, 'I have the heart of a man, not of a woman, and I am not afraid of anything'. Undoubtedly, the term 'masculine' oozes images of strength, power, protection, rippling muscles... On the other end the term 'feminine' probably brings to mind the picture of a pretty flower, sweet and floral scents and soft, pretty colors. One cannot be blamed for thinking that being feminine is therefore assuredly weakness and frailty. This is the lie that some well meaning feminists are slowly using to approach their fellow sisters just as the axe approached the forest. Women were never made to be masculine or to take over the men. They are not rivals. The strength of men does not diminish the strength of women. The two are different and are meant to complement not war against each other.

Women should embrace the strength of their femininity knowing that they can still be who they are even in business and in the corporate world. They do not have to dress like men, try to sound like men or even feel the need to displace the men. Allow the women in your world to be who they are and put the axe head away. Feminism that is not feminine is pretty ugly. Ladies, allow the flower in you to bloom. Don't let it die in the bud.

Who's Birthday?

Its a few days to Christmas and unlike all the other past years my house is still not looking dressed for the festive season at all. I'll put it down to having been so occupied with the events of the last three months.....moving continents, two funerals, house hunting plus furnishing the house, homeschooling, getting acquainted with the new area,birthdays.....I'm sure the picture is clearly painted so I can stop there. Today it came as a bit of a 'surprise' that we are this close to Christmas.

The question that I've been toying with today though, is whether or not to get shiny tinsel, lights , a tree and all the works (since I threw all the other ones out before we left Australia)? My kids are used to having the decorations and its become a tradition.Thankfully traditions can be broken and replaced because somehow,this year I cant help but wonder what the real connection between Jesus' birthday, trees and tinsel is? Blame it on the tiredness but I've been struggling to find the link that brings them together.In fact I think I might just have the 'Santa Claus' discussion with my kids and dispel the myth altogether(gasp!). After all, if we are celebrating Jesus' birthday ,'I love Jesus' t-shirts should be on high demand. At the moment I see a lot of 'I love Santa' on a lot of items. It seems Santa has stolen the show. Maybe that's why he does that 'ho ho ho' laugh. If Jesus made an appearance at a Christmas event alongside Santa, I wonder if the people would even recognize Him or would they just go wild for Santa at 'Jesus' own birthday'?

I do enjoy the festivities that surround this time of the year, the spirit of giving and add on to that the massive sales too just after the celebrations but is it all still just about Jesus or is it simply a holiday season of merriment and joy as people connect, recharge and party in preparation for the new year ahead?

For business owners if the year has been a slow one, Christmas time gives you one more chance to 'make it' before the year is up. In fact its such a lucrative time for businesses that some of them literally start advertising for the next year's Christmas presents just as you are still picking out the turkey (or king prawn if you are in Australia) remains from your teeth. What is Christmas and what does it mean to you? At this time of the year its almost inevitable that there'll always be crowds as people scurry around to do their last minute shopping. Interestingly, I have seen people carrying loads of festive goodies but looking so exhausted,stressed and not so 'festive' themselves!

Is this what Christmas is all about? Stress from the hustle and bustle of shopping (for necessary and oh so not necessary stuff),or the 'BIG SALE' adverts that are unavoidable every day of the holiday season.....junk mail,tv, on radio you name it. OR is it a time of reconnecting and enjoying family time as we celebrate the birth of our Savior?

Some children are literally drowned in presents (they have toys coming right up to their ears!) while the parents on the other hand drown themselves in debt which they'll spend the following year trying to clear and stressing over the debt .What are we teaching our children? Do they really need that many 'things' to keep them entertained and make them feel loved and special? Theres nothing wrong with buying gifts for our kids of course but it becomes worrying when that is the main expression of our love for them. What are they learning from these' love expressions'? I remember when I was a child ,things for us were a lot different . We'd all get gifts at Christmas (five of us) but one or two gifts each was enough and yet i never doubted my parents' love for me. We teach our kids what 'enough' is. Sometimes the more kids have , the less grateful they become because such is the nature of materialism.

Gifts should not substitute real affection and family time. Kids dont need the whole toy shop in their home to show them they are appreciated.Hugs, heartfelt laughter and shared kisses create more lasting impressions. Its now so easy to get sucked into being too materialistic.Tuck those credit cards away, go for walks together, build a snowman,go see the local attractions,play games, read stories,tell jokes, watch a feel good movie, cuddle,eat together and create priceless memories that dont put an enormous dent in your finances and leave you struggling to stay afloat financially in the coming year.

What Im saying in a nutshell is, take time to plant, enjoy and smell the REAL roses without having to spend on artificial roses that have no scent and are not as bright.If it is Christ you are celebrating(with or without the tree and decorations), then do spend time with Him and allow His voice to be heard in your homes.

Buy clothes that you NEED, food that you NEED and will eat, cut your cloth according to the measure you have and enjoy the true celebration of Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus and merry Christmas to you all.

Anti-Ageing Silliness

This morning I happened to notice little lines on the sides of my eyes, then it struck me....I now have crows feet! I've heard of these 'facial feet' so often but until today, I'd never really paid attention to them. Surprisingly there are hundreds of products on the market that specifically target this 'problem'.Is it really a problem though,or have we been taught to see it that way? When I saw these lines that are more affectionately called laugh lines I actually felt thrilled. I'm not exactly sure why, but I do know that they did stir up some excitement within me.

Its interesting to note how there are literally hundreds if not thousands of skincare formulas that are 'anti-ageing' and carry the promise of preserving or prolonging the youthful glow. These sell like hot cakes as ladies (and now some men too) strive to look ten or more years younger.They come with the promise of reducing fine lines, attacking wrinkles,restoring youthfulness and the list goes on. To be honest, as I looked at these wonderful natural lines in the corners of my eyes ,I could not help but wonder at the silliness of this anti-ageing phenomena.Have you ever wondered what it would look like if young kids all of a sudden came up with 'anti-puberty' formulas just so they could hold on to their childhood a tad bit longer? Wouldnt it be utterly comical to see little boys and girls trying so hard to get back to being babies again. Oddly enough you have teenagers wanting to look like adults so much while the adults on the other hand are fighting to stay youthful. What chaos!

What is wrong with age, growing, maturing, getting the lines in the different places at their appointed time for each individual? When I was a young girl I remember being surrounded by wonderful women from different generations. Somehow being exposed to the differnt generations and seeing most of them embracing the respective seasons they were in made me feel secure.Seeing older women who were happy and confident even with a few lines here and there was a joy to behold. Imagine being a teenager and going through a crisis but looking around and seeing that the older people who presumably would have the capacity to help and direct you are in a crisis of their own.... hopelessly preoccupied with fighting age and trying to get back their youthful glow?

Good skin care is important as part of one's daily routine. However,as part of nature's wonderful hand, eventually lines will appear and for some its sooner than for others. When you worry about those lines appearing and that hair greying you actually accelerate the process and will probably need more and more of those creams! Worry is a definite catalyst for ageing skin and like anything else, it produces after its own kind...worry gives birth to more worry and more worry means more wrinkles...its a cycle that will feed and sustain itself!

However when you choose to consciously be happy and look at the accumulation of years as something to celebrate then you will embrace the years and 'age' gracefully. Some of the genuinely happy elderly people that I've met do have the wrinkles but they are still full of life and real joy while on the other hand I've seen some 'heavily botoxed' people who have the smoothest wrinkle free faces but look so lifeless because they have no 'expression' on their faces anymore.

Age is not an enemy and facial lines are not hideous. There really is some silliness to fighting age. Its good to 'feel' and experience your real age. Dont be afraid of it. I'm pro-age, and I think I actually like and will keep my crows feet....I'm excited! Here's to being comfortable with the age you are so the younger ones can look forward to getting there too rather than fill them with unnecessary fear and dread because of this uncalled for silliness.