One definition of divorce:separation and disunion of things closely united or the dissolution of marriage
For some people, divorce is absolutely necessary and maybe inevitable. It normally takes marriage to come to this realisation. Now, before you get into panic mode about the 'D' word, please hear me out.
Once upon a time for some men and women , they had dreams of one day finding the right (and might I add 'perfect') partner and being married happily ever after. They envisioned blissful evenings of romance perfectly cut out from heaven. Prince Charming would no doubt be the perfect gentleman who looked as though he had stepped right out of a storybook. Lady Dazzling would also be the ever picture perfect bride ,cooking in sky high stilettos everyday and looking just as beautiful in the morning as if she had just had a makeover for a photo shoot and her hair as if she had just been to the salon (which means she definitely wouldnt have natural afro hair!)
You see, when Prince Charming meets Cinderella at the ball, she's all dolled up and he falls in love with her. He decides to marry her and I've always wondered why he didnt gasp when he eventually found her , dressed in her raggedy looking clothes (well maybe he did) but still chose to marry her as she was. At midnight, Cinderella's ballgown and glamour disappear. She does not go to bed with her glass slippers or her crown from the ball. For some married and single people too, there is a need to divorce the 'pre midnight' spouses they have closely united themselves to so they can actually be married to the real person they said or will say 'I do' to. When you said "I do", was it to the flawless fairytale Prince Charming on a horse or to the not so perfect but real and loving person standing before you? If it was to the fairytale spouse and you are still married to them then you'll probably see your husband or wife as the 'frog' in your tale. Well, I've got some bad news and good news...your spouse is not the 'frog' and neither are you the 'frog' in their story....he or she is the real deal and so are you! (How you take that news will determine which bit is the good and which bit is the bad).
I know I love getting dolled up now and again but to be honest, the idea of cooking in stilettos makes me cringe. When I'm at home I do not like looking like Im dressed for a ball, for church or as if I've just come from an office job interview. I love comfortable and relaxed attire . Men, your Cinderella is still the same person even in her track pants ,comfy sweater and ponytail. Ladies, if he 'forgets' to open the door for you, needs to be 'reminded' to take out the trash everytime and looks nothing like Denzel in the mornings...he is still your groom, waiting to be loved and to shower you with love.
Divorce the fantasy people who never burp at all, hair never unruffled and always perfectly perfect all round. They get in the way of the real bride or groom you've been blessed with. Even when the clock strikes midnight...the loving should continue.
As you divorce these fantasy people, realise that the person you are with is not a misfit spoiling your fairytale marriage but is the real deal. May your marriages flourish and prosper. For those still looking to get married, may you find true love and say 'I do' to the real deal.
Love and blessings
Saturday, 10 September 2011
Monday, 29 August 2011
'Stuff'
Apparently moving house is rated as being one of the top stressors in life according to some researches.I do not know how accurate these researches are but if there is any morsel of truth in the findings then my journey would no doubt bust the stress-o-meter.In the last ten years I've lived in four countries,three continents,eight towns or suburbs(we wont even count the houses!) and still managed to find space somewhere within all that moving about to give birth twice. (Just in case you are wondering.....no, Im not an army wife).In a few days time I'll be embarking on yet another voyage which will see me transported thousands of miles to another country in a different continent.
Each move, I must admit, always comes along with its own sets of challenges. One of these involves trying to determine what to take , what to throw out, what to give away and what to sell. Inevitably ,as we settle and build homes there is a tendency to accumulate 'stuff'(some more than others!).In the past few weeks as we have been gearing ourselves for the move, we were faced with this challenge of deciding which categories to allocate the different items we had accumulated. It felt a bit like playing a kind of 'X-factor' with our belongings. At the beginning of this exercise there was quite a dilemma as almost everything seemed to be crying out to stay with us. Yes, the urge to hold on to things was so great....some of course were of sentimental value but it was quite surprising to me how unknowingly we can become so attached to stuff. Its almost as if the stuff possesses us and not vice versa. It is true that whenever you cannot let go of something, it has a hold over you.This realisation immediately made me change my stance and I began to mercilessly cull through the stuff. There are times when you will need to shed off what you have accumulated in order to make room for the life ahead of you. Similarly there will be times in life when you will need to let go of 'some stuff' within .....mindsets and attitudes that have served their purpose in one season of your life but will otherwise become excess baggage in the next phase of your journey (and if you have ever travelled by plane you will know how costly those extra kilograms over and above what you've been allocated can be.)What emotions have you packed into the suitcase of your life that really are now just adding unneccessary weight that will keep pulling you backwards?
Interestingly, once we had let go of the big items there was another realisation....its those small bits and bobs that are actually more cumbersome to work through (you know those containers of elastic bands, pins, lipsticks etcetera etcetera). These bits and bobs actually take up more time to sort through as opposed to the straight forward big items. What small things are eating up your space and calling for more attention than they are worth? I decided to just throw them all out instead of spending hours sorting through ten cent pins and lipsticks from years gone by. Even in relationships there are those 'little emotional containers' where all the unresolved bits and bobs go into for 'sorting out' later on (and all the men say 'amen')! Let them go, they will take up too much of your valuable time.
To be quite honest, these seasons of purging and decluttering because of the impending journeys have always been a real eye opener for me. As I write this, Im sitting in an almost empty house. The packers came in this morning, packed away and took with them what we decided to keep for freighting to our next destination.There is however a price to pay when taking stuff to a different country.In the same way, there is a price to pay when you hold on to emotional baggage. Some emotions are worth holding onto whilst others are just not worth it.Why would you pay four hundred dollars to freight a one dollar item?
How much do we actually need in terms of material possessions? With not much left in this house I do feel a certain kind of freedom. I love the fact that I've emptied my space and while standing in this gap between my current abode and the next season of my life I cant help but feel that the things that we cannot see can sometimes be more fulfilling than the 'things' or 'stuff' we surround ourselves with. I've felt the warmth and love of friends and family as we've been preparing to part. There have been a lot of priceless moments in the past weeks as we've shared simple meals of pizza, sausage sizzles , fish and chips ...while sitting on the floor and enjoying heartfelt laughter and just being together.In fact,a very dear friend on one occasion ,probably because she had seen the 'chaos' I was in while packing, invited us for leftovers and that meal of leftovers was absolutely divine! I wonder how often we've missed the opportunities to nourish others with a good meal because all we had for that day were leftovers? These precious moments are totally independent of what 'things' we have.
So, as I bid Australia goodbye for now, I can confidently say Im looking forward to what lies ahead for I know that The Lord who is with us has also already gone before us and I look forward to being filled with more of His love ,joy and happiness. I do not know what's in store but I trust Him who is taking us there.
May you blossom and be fruitful where you are planted.....
Love and blessings
Each move, I must admit, always comes along with its own sets of challenges. One of these involves trying to determine what to take , what to throw out, what to give away and what to sell. Inevitably ,as we settle and build homes there is a tendency to accumulate 'stuff'(some more than others!).In the past few weeks as we have been gearing ourselves for the move, we were faced with this challenge of deciding which categories to allocate the different items we had accumulated. It felt a bit like playing a kind of 'X-factor' with our belongings. At the beginning of this exercise there was quite a dilemma as almost everything seemed to be crying out to stay with us. Yes, the urge to hold on to things was so great....some of course were of sentimental value but it was quite surprising to me how unknowingly we can become so attached to stuff. Its almost as if the stuff possesses us and not vice versa. It is true that whenever you cannot let go of something, it has a hold over you.This realisation immediately made me change my stance and I began to mercilessly cull through the stuff. There are times when you will need to shed off what you have accumulated in order to make room for the life ahead of you. Similarly there will be times in life when you will need to let go of 'some stuff' within .....mindsets and attitudes that have served their purpose in one season of your life but will otherwise become excess baggage in the next phase of your journey (and if you have ever travelled by plane you will know how costly those extra kilograms over and above what you've been allocated can be.)What emotions have you packed into the suitcase of your life that really are now just adding unneccessary weight that will keep pulling you backwards?
Interestingly, once we had let go of the big items there was another realisation....its those small bits and bobs that are actually more cumbersome to work through (you know those containers of elastic bands, pins, lipsticks etcetera etcetera). These bits and bobs actually take up more time to sort through as opposed to the straight forward big items. What small things are eating up your space and calling for more attention than they are worth? I decided to just throw them all out instead of spending hours sorting through ten cent pins and lipsticks from years gone by. Even in relationships there are those 'little emotional containers' where all the unresolved bits and bobs go into for 'sorting out' later on (and all the men say 'amen')! Let them go, they will take up too much of your valuable time.
To be quite honest, these seasons of purging and decluttering because of the impending journeys have always been a real eye opener for me. As I write this, Im sitting in an almost empty house. The packers came in this morning, packed away and took with them what we decided to keep for freighting to our next destination.There is however a price to pay when taking stuff to a different country.In the same way, there is a price to pay when you hold on to emotional baggage. Some emotions are worth holding onto whilst others are just not worth it.Why would you pay four hundred dollars to freight a one dollar item?
How much do we actually need in terms of material possessions? With not much left in this house I do feel a certain kind of freedom. I love the fact that I've emptied my space and while standing in this gap between my current abode and the next season of my life I cant help but feel that the things that we cannot see can sometimes be more fulfilling than the 'things' or 'stuff' we surround ourselves with. I've felt the warmth and love of friends and family as we've been preparing to part. There have been a lot of priceless moments in the past weeks as we've shared simple meals of pizza, sausage sizzles , fish and chips ...while sitting on the floor and enjoying heartfelt laughter and just being together.In fact,a very dear friend on one occasion ,probably because she had seen the 'chaos' I was in while packing, invited us for leftovers and that meal of leftovers was absolutely divine! I wonder how often we've missed the opportunities to nourish others with a good meal because all we had for that day were leftovers? These precious moments are totally independent of what 'things' we have.
So, as I bid Australia goodbye for now, I can confidently say Im looking forward to what lies ahead for I know that The Lord who is with us has also already gone before us and I look forward to being filled with more of His love ,joy and happiness. I do not know what's in store but I trust Him who is taking us there.
May you blossom and be fruitful where you are planted.....
Love and blessings
Thursday, 21 July 2011
More than a billion tremors
Ever watched a movie or read a book that left you in tears? One that pulled on your heartstrings and stirred your emotions. Or one that left you feeling inspired, challenged and motivated to do more with what you have been blessed with. I do read a lot and have a good fair movies that have had that effect on me but I will not list them here because this post really isn’t about scripted movies and novels. Books and films do take us into other worlds and these worlds do sometimes have the ability to inspire, sadden or draw on the compassionate side of our being.I will come back to the books and movies at a later stage but for now, allow me to rewind the years a bit to certain events in the not-so-distant past.
The month was December and the year was 2004. I had just had my first baby. I remember switching on the telly and being greeted with news that left me in tears and struggling to fully comprehend the magnitude of this particular catastrophe. A tsunami had mercilessly swept through Indonesia. The devastation and loss of human lives was unimaginable.
It is never possible to accurately predict the damage that an impending storm will leave behind before it actually hits. Over a year ago we watched in horror as a massive earthquake wrecked havoc and destruction of an unimaginable magnitude in Haiti. We watched as devastated and wounded people searched through the rubble for their loved ones, young and old. Most of us watched honestly kind of helplessly wondering how and what we could do to help or at least alleviate the suffering for the survivors of this tragedy. Would they have the backbone to cope with the pain and trauma of surviving such a blow from nature. A few days later,while the survivors were still trying to wake themselves up from what they were hoping was just a nightmare,there were aftershocks,as if to give them that pinch to let them know that they really were awake. More devastation followed upon the already wounded and weeping land.Yet again,the survivors wondered if they would make it through, given what they had endured and experienced in the first incident.Many lives were lost, many others wounded. It was as if there was an invisible hand strangling the life out of the precious souls of this land.
Since then there have been more natural disasters spread around the world :earthquakes,tsunamis,fires,cyclones and floods which have left their imprints on not just the land but on the physical, emotional, spiritual and financial spheres of people all across the globe. Because of the scale of damage from these natural disasters, they have grabbed the attention of the world and caused those even in the unaffected areas to stop and ponder on the fleeting nature of our earthly lives as well as arousing compassion...that stirring that comes naturally to a human being when confronted by or witnessing another go through turmoils of different kinds.
The truth is that there are less obvious ‘quakes’ that though hidden, still leave devastation and never quite grab the world’s attention. These tsunamis and quakes are of varying magnitudes. Quakes big enough to cause devastation of a great scale but not visible enough to bring news crews rushing in with the lights and cameras. Natural disasters come uninvited, as do some of these ‘disasters’.They are tremors that shake 'billions of worlds'...as many worlds as there are people on this earth.Sometimes they are so concealed, so secretive and yet so intense that they leave the victims wounded and dead within. Yes, it takes less than death to steal a life.In this world troubles will come. Without the grace and mercy of God people do crumble under the weight of these ‘tremors’.
In nursing, the pulse is used to check overall heart and health fitness levels physically. In view of the individual and personal quakes that are intense enough to be able to steal life and crush the spirit ,when was the last time you checked the ‘pulse’ of someone in your world and shined your light on them? Do you notice when someone is struggling to build endurance or when they are engulfed by the waters of inward tsunamis but with no news crews waiting by to highlight their plight? Do you feel stirred when you see someone who is overcome by the feeling of standing on sinking sand? Or is all this obscured by the veil of busyness? Are you too ‘busy’ to the point that you are too deaf to the cries of loneliness and blind to the needs around you. The people around you matter. If some of their life stories were to be replayed on the big screen, you would probably reach out for the Kleenex or give them a standing ovation. Only a handful of stories make it to the movies out of the billions of real life scripts that are being penned everyday.
Take time to check on the pulse of those around you.Do they still have a healthy heartbeat in their soul or are they silently dying inside while wearing a smile in an attempt to mask the death within? Are you awake and aware of those around you, the people that you have been blessed with on the journey of life? Make yourself available to encourage, strengthen and cheer others on without judgement. Allow people to be comfortable enough to expose themselves without the fear of you exposing them but protecting and praying for them instead. Be sensitive and discerning enough to notice the ‘tremors’ in their worlds and see beyond the facades.
Do away with unproductive 'busyness' and stay away from sterilized philosophies that have 'zero' heart in them.If a movie or a book can make you cry, if news of human tragedies all over the world can make you stop, ponder and feel for those affected, then you do have a heart. Take time to read the pages being written by the people around you and listen to their stories. If you feel hardened,pray for compassion and tenderness because someone within your sphere of influence needs you give them a standing ovation or encourage them. There are more than a billion tremors in the world and each person can do something, however little to strengthen and build others up.
Today take time to say a prayer for someone you know is in need of raindrops from heaven.
Love and blessings to you all
The month was December and the year was 2004. I had just had my first baby. I remember switching on the telly and being greeted with news that left me in tears and struggling to fully comprehend the magnitude of this particular catastrophe. A tsunami had mercilessly swept through Indonesia. The devastation and loss of human lives was unimaginable.
It is never possible to accurately predict the damage that an impending storm will leave behind before it actually hits. Over a year ago we watched in horror as a massive earthquake wrecked havoc and destruction of an unimaginable magnitude in Haiti. We watched as devastated and wounded people searched through the rubble for their loved ones, young and old. Most of us watched honestly kind of helplessly wondering how and what we could do to help or at least alleviate the suffering for the survivors of this tragedy. Would they have the backbone to cope with the pain and trauma of surviving such a blow from nature. A few days later,while the survivors were still trying to wake themselves up from what they were hoping was just a nightmare,there were aftershocks,as if to give them that pinch to let them know that they really were awake. More devastation followed upon the already wounded and weeping land.Yet again,the survivors wondered if they would make it through, given what they had endured and experienced in the first incident.Many lives were lost, many others wounded. It was as if there was an invisible hand strangling the life out of the precious souls of this land.
Since then there have been more natural disasters spread around the world :earthquakes,tsunamis,fires,cyclones and floods which have left their imprints on not just the land but on the physical, emotional, spiritual and financial spheres of people all across the globe. Because of the scale of damage from these natural disasters, they have grabbed the attention of the world and caused those even in the unaffected areas to stop and ponder on the fleeting nature of our earthly lives as well as arousing compassion...that stirring that comes naturally to a human being when confronted by or witnessing another go through turmoils of different kinds.
The truth is that there are less obvious ‘quakes’ that though hidden, still leave devastation and never quite grab the world’s attention. These tsunamis and quakes are of varying magnitudes. Quakes big enough to cause devastation of a great scale but not visible enough to bring news crews rushing in with the lights and cameras. Natural disasters come uninvited, as do some of these ‘disasters’.They are tremors that shake 'billions of worlds'...as many worlds as there are people on this earth.Sometimes they are so concealed, so secretive and yet so intense that they leave the victims wounded and dead within. Yes, it takes less than death to steal a life.In this world troubles will come. Without the grace and mercy of God people do crumble under the weight of these ‘tremors’.
In nursing, the pulse is used to check overall heart and health fitness levels physically. In view of the individual and personal quakes that are intense enough to be able to steal life and crush the spirit ,when was the last time you checked the ‘pulse’ of someone in your world and shined your light on them? Do you notice when someone is struggling to build endurance or when they are engulfed by the waters of inward tsunamis but with no news crews waiting by to highlight their plight? Do you feel stirred when you see someone who is overcome by the feeling of standing on sinking sand? Or is all this obscured by the veil of busyness? Are you too ‘busy’ to the point that you are too deaf to the cries of loneliness and blind to the needs around you. The people around you matter. If some of their life stories were to be replayed on the big screen, you would probably reach out for the Kleenex or give them a standing ovation. Only a handful of stories make it to the movies out of the billions of real life scripts that are being penned everyday.
Take time to check on the pulse of those around you.Do they still have a healthy heartbeat in their soul or are they silently dying inside while wearing a smile in an attempt to mask the death within? Are you awake and aware of those around you, the people that you have been blessed with on the journey of life? Make yourself available to encourage, strengthen and cheer others on without judgement. Allow people to be comfortable enough to expose themselves without the fear of you exposing them but protecting and praying for them instead. Be sensitive and discerning enough to notice the ‘tremors’ in their worlds and see beyond the facades.
Do away with unproductive 'busyness' and stay away from sterilized philosophies that have 'zero' heart in them.If a movie or a book can make you cry, if news of human tragedies all over the world can make you stop, ponder and feel for those affected, then you do have a heart. Take time to read the pages being written by the people around you and listen to their stories. If you feel hardened,pray for compassion and tenderness because someone within your sphere of influence needs you give them a standing ovation or encourage them. There are more than a billion tremors in the world and each person can do something, however little to strengthen and build others up.
Today take time to say a prayer for someone you know is in need of raindrops from heaven.
Love and blessings to you all
Friday, 1 July 2011
Rocking The Cradle
Giving birth is painful (thank you Eve!). However, there is something magical about the arrival of a new-born baby. When I had my babies, each delivery left me with a myriad of positive emotions, emotions that I can only describe as torrential waves of a pure and intense kind of love which flooded my entire heart and my whole being. Instinctively, I knew without a shadow of doubt that I loved these little bundles-of-joy so much that I would be willing to do whatever it took to for me to nurture them into their full potential. These emotions, so strong and so tangible often left me thinking of my own mother and realising that I, too, at one point, was a newborn baby in the hands of my mother. For most women, giving birth will often kindle or rekindle an appreciation of their mums through new eyes. In fact, everyone you see, from the wealthiest to the poorest, from the biggest to the tiniest started out in this world as a baby.
Babies give their love unconditionally. Their love is pure, their innocence is untainted and they carry a freshness and a purity. Babies do not know or care if you are wealthy or poor. They have no perception of poverty or wealth and therefore respond from a position of clarity, innocence and love. They do not worry about how they look or how the grown-ups around them look. They love and just want to be loved. It’s no wonder that when people come into the presence of newborns they ‘ooooo’ and ‘aaaaaa’ at this new creation. But alas, they do not stay as babies. They grow and it takes a lot of wisdom, patience and grace to raise these little babies and nurture the gifts within them so they can flourish into responsible and successful God fearing adults.
From as far back as I can remember I always adored babies and would find myself pondering on the mysteriousness of how these little adorable bundles came into being. In fact the earliest memory I have is of my little brother's birth. I was only three years old when mum and dad brought him home and I remember being so smitten by his tiny little fingers and everything about him. That was me back then and I should say I still have not outgrown my love for babies and children. I have my own children now and I’m thankful for the wealth and abundance of information and resources available to us to aide us in our parenting.
As our society continues to evolve and grow, more and more options for self development and progression have become available to most people. As the choices broaden, so too do the debates and arguments as to whether or not each person is doing the right thing or making the right choice. Mothering is no exception and more often than not I meet women who are burdened with fear, guilt and worry because they do not know whether they are making the right decision in as far as raising their children is concerned. Is there a ‘one size fits all’ method of being a ‘good’ mother? How do we fulfil and honour that initial desire that we had when we held our babies for the first time, that desire to do our best to raise happy and responsible kids?
In my journey the ‘one size fits all’ method that I do know about is Scripture. You see, all Scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, correcting, training and protecting as well as equipping us and our children for every good work in this fascinating journey of life and all that comes with it. . As mothers (and fathers), we have the great honour and privilege of providing input, management and direction into this new being’s brand new start! When we get a revelation of what an opportunity it is to share in these divine moments and opportunities and when we realise the enormity of the responsibility we carry, parenting becomes such an honour, a joy and a privilege.
In recent times, I have known many a mother (and father) who either carries or is driven by the “guilt” of not being able to spend “enough” time with their children. Focusing a little on the mothers for now, the decision to either be a working mum or to “live off one salary” and be a stay-at-home mum features highly in the lives of many mothers as it is sometimes almost viewed as a choice between your children and your vocation. There is no shortage of debates and research on this matter but the question still remains - Is there an umbrella or universal formula that should work for all mothers? I do not think there could ever be one magical universal formula or approach just as there cannot be a universal personality for all mankind.
Some women are wired naturally as “traditional” nurturers who find purpose and fulfilment in having and nurturing children – the future of mankind. They find joy and happiness in this role and will often feel enhanced by executing the role to the very best of their God-given ability. Nowadays, the traditional nurturing mothers are not necessarily correctly portrayed and at times are demeaned as being frumpy-looking, unkempt, ignorant, uneducated and severely overweight women with old over-starched Mother’s Day aprons secured and locked around their waists. In my travels, I have had the great pleasure of meeting numerous very intelligent, highly educated and professionally qualified, compassionate, socially aware women who have made the decision to be in this category and to follow this path more because it is their passion rather than because it is the natural or “expected” thing for them to do.
On the other hand, there are those mothers who deeply love their children but who are also very driven and enhanced by activities outside the mothering and home arena. In some cases, these women will feel claustrophobic, emotionally strained and suffocated if not given the space and opportunities to fulfil their hearts’ desire: which is to see the talent and abilities that they carry outside of the home fulfilled. Then of course there are those women who are able to combine both worlds with relative ease and finesse…maybe and just maybe… sometimes with a tinge of guilt but generally they feel fulfilled in what they do and how they live..
And so we are back again to the beginning: is there a ‘right way’ of being a mother when it comes to lifestyle choices? The ‘right way’ for each mother should be determined by what feels right for her and her family in whatever season of their lives that they find themselves. This one thing I do know though – that without this one specific universal ingredient, no method will succeed…ever – and that is the ingredient of love. As I shared before, whatever your faith, pray for your little ones, love them and whether you are a stay-at-home mum, businesswoman, career woman with a family to raise or whatever else you may be involved in, remember that God will furnish you thoroughly to fulfil all the good works you have been commissioned to do…only ask. Do the very best that you can, with what you have and without comparing yourself with anyone else. Rather, encourage and cheer others on as we all continue on this great journey together.
Till next time…
Babies give their love unconditionally. Their love is pure, their innocence is untainted and they carry a freshness and a purity. Babies do not know or care if you are wealthy or poor. They have no perception of poverty or wealth and therefore respond from a position of clarity, innocence and love. They do not worry about how they look or how the grown-ups around them look. They love and just want to be loved. It’s no wonder that when people come into the presence of newborns they ‘ooooo’ and ‘aaaaaa’ at this new creation. But alas, they do not stay as babies. They grow and it takes a lot of wisdom, patience and grace to raise these little babies and nurture the gifts within them so they can flourish into responsible and successful God fearing adults.
From as far back as I can remember I always adored babies and would find myself pondering on the mysteriousness of how these little adorable bundles came into being. In fact the earliest memory I have is of my little brother's birth. I was only three years old when mum and dad brought him home and I remember being so smitten by his tiny little fingers and everything about him. That was me back then and I should say I still have not outgrown my love for babies and children. I have my own children now and I’m thankful for the wealth and abundance of information and resources available to us to aide us in our parenting.
As our society continues to evolve and grow, more and more options for self development and progression have become available to most people. As the choices broaden, so too do the debates and arguments as to whether or not each person is doing the right thing or making the right choice. Mothering is no exception and more often than not I meet women who are burdened with fear, guilt and worry because they do not know whether they are making the right decision in as far as raising their children is concerned. Is there a ‘one size fits all’ method of being a ‘good’ mother? How do we fulfil and honour that initial desire that we had when we held our babies for the first time, that desire to do our best to raise happy and responsible kids?
In my journey the ‘one size fits all’ method that I do know about is Scripture. You see, all Scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, correcting, training and protecting as well as equipping us and our children for every good work in this fascinating journey of life and all that comes with it. . As mothers (and fathers), we have the great honour and privilege of providing input, management and direction into this new being’s brand new start! When we get a revelation of what an opportunity it is to share in these divine moments and opportunities and when we realise the enormity of the responsibility we carry, parenting becomes such an honour, a joy and a privilege.
In recent times, I have known many a mother (and father) who either carries or is driven by the “guilt” of not being able to spend “enough” time with their children. Focusing a little on the mothers for now, the decision to either be a working mum or to “live off one salary” and be a stay-at-home mum features highly in the lives of many mothers as it is sometimes almost viewed as a choice between your children and your vocation. There is no shortage of debates and research on this matter but the question still remains - Is there an umbrella or universal formula that should work for all mothers? I do not think there could ever be one magical universal formula or approach just as there cannot be a universal personality for all mankind.
Some women are wired naturally as “traditional” nurturers who find purpose and fulfilment in having and nurturing children – the future of mankind. They find joy and happiness in this role and will often feel enhanced by executing the role to the very best of their God-given ability. Nowadays, the traditional nurturing mothers are not necessarily correctly portrayed and at times are demeaned as being frumpy-looking, unkempt, ignorant, uneducated and severely overweight women with old over-starched Mother’s Day aprons secured and locked around their waists. In my travels, I have had the great pleasure of meeting numerous very intelligent, highly educated and professionally qualified, compassionate, socially aware women who have made the decision to be in this category and to follow this path more because it is their passion rather than because it is the natural or “expected” thing for them to do.
On the other hand, there are those mothers who deeply love their children but who are also very driven and enhanced by activities outside the mothering and home arena. In some cases, these women will feel claustrophobic, emotionally strained and suffocated if not given the space and opportunities to fulfil their hearts’ desire: which is to see the talent and abilities that they carry outside of the home fulfilled. Then of course there are those women who are able to combine both worlds with relative ease and finesse…maybe and just maybe… sometimes with a tinge of guilt but generally they feel fulfilled in what they do and how they live..
And so we are back again to the beginning: is there a ‘right way’ of being a mother when it comes to lifestyle choices? The ‘right way’ for each mother should be determined by what feels right for her and her family in whatever season of their lives that they find themselves. This one thing I do know though – that without this one specific universal ingredient, no method will succeed…ever – and that is the ingredient of love. As I shared before, whatever your faith, pray for your little ones, love them and whether you are a stay-at-home mum, businesswoman, career woman with a family to raise or whatever else you may be involved in, remember that God will furnish you thoroughly to fulfil all the good works you have been commissioned to do…only ask. Do the very best that you can, with what you have and without comparing yourself with anyone else. Rather, encourage and cheer others on as we all continue on this great journey together.
Till next time…
Friday, 24 June 2011
The Buzz
Growing up, social etiquette lessons were a major part of my everyday life. Some behaviour was just plainly not acceptable and you had to learn until you knew right from wrong and until that ‘knowing’ became almost like second nature. You could liken it to walking. Do you remember being taught to walk? Do you still think about which foot to put in front of the other and how to lift it when you walk? If you’ve ever seen a baby learning to walk (and I take it that if you are old enough to read this then at some point you would have witnessed some of these ‘walking lessons’) then you would know that we all have been taught to walk but because we have mastered it we do not have to consciously think about it now. Some of these unacceptable breaches of social etiquette that, unlike walking, I remember being taught about and ended up ‘mastering’ them included: not peeping into people’s houses, not pointing a finger at someone, not gossiping or entertaining gossip and the list goes on. One of the dictionary definitions of gossip is, ‘idle talk or rumour about others’ private lives’.
Now imagine being in a world where you could walk around poking at people and occasionally being poked at too, a world where you could literally peep into people’s lives without being told off for it and where you could hang out with the gossip lady of the century. You see, this gossip lady would be able to keep you entertained and ‘filled-in’ for days on end. She could tell you who’s married to who; who’s engaged to who; who just had a baby; who’s still single or just got single again; you could eavesdrop on conversations without being incriminated for it(and never mind mum’s advice not to eavesdrop on the conversation of others lest the gossip is about you and you’d be better off not hearing it).This gossip lady would also regularly recommend people that you might possibly want to befriend with the option of ‘unfriending’ them later on if you so wished. As with all gossips, this gossip lady would be well known for being unable to keep secrets and therefore would not make a good confidante. Oddly enough on a daily basis she would have people ‘confiding publicly’ in her and telling her things they probably would never be able to say to anyone else. But of course she never keeps juicy bits of information to herself. She could be likened to a blabbermouth who never gets tired of receiving and dishing out information as it comes. In this world ,in addition to listening to people venting out publicly, you would also be free to throw a tantrum too if you so wished….even grown ups would have this privilege that is somewhat akin to a toddler venting out at the shopping mall in the presence of hundreds of onlookers. Imagine no longer, for this world does exist!
Welcome to the world of social networking. Like anything else in life, social networking sites can be a good tool for just that…..social networking! They are great tools when used for connecting loved ones far and wide but they do not make for good masters. With the emergence of the smart phones, most people who do make use of these sites and are logged in on-the-go, will carry this buzzing world that is always laden with ‘top news’ or ‘breaking news’ type stories, in their pockets and occasionally be glancing or checking in and out to see who’s doing what, who’s saying what and what new notifications are there. Any bit of news you put out into it will circle your network at an impressive speed. And oh yes, you can get poked or ‘super poked’ (ouch) by strangers and friends and you can poke them back too if you so wish.
One has to wonder though, are we really designed with the capacity to meaningfully engage with hundreds (for some) of people at any one given season of life on a one to one and regular basis while at the same time continuing to nurture the ‘non-cyber’ relationships we have ? Where is the line marked for healthy cyber social networking?
I am not against this relatively new (well, for some anyway) phenomena….as evidenced by the fact that you will find me on Facebook. However, when you find yourself flourishing more in your cyber life than in your normal day to day life, then you do need to stop and evaluate. If you have hundreds of cyber friends that you don’t meet with for a catch up now and again in the real world, prefer being on these sites to chatting with the other people in your world and you cannot go for a good while without checking into your account or find yourself reaching out for your phone first thing when your eyes open in the morning and last thing before you close them at night then you do need to rethink your priorities and be honest with yourself...are you addicted to these sites?
While a lot of the things that break the code of acceptable conduct in real life may be permissible in this world, remember that not all things are beneficial. Value your time and use it wisely. These sites are great business tools ,make it easy to keep in touch with friends and family, help to reconnect you with old friends as well as making it possible to plan small events but they make lousy masters. Its not life threatening to be unaware or out of touch with the latest news on who’s said what, who likes something, who’s going where and all the bits of news that you gather there. Used in moderation, they are great but once you abuse or misuse them; even the greatest inventions can become threats that rob you of your valuable asset of time. So next time you are tempted to spend hours'peeping' through your friends' 'windows' on facebook because mum's not there to pinch your ear or tell you off for being idle,remind yourself of the value of your time. What fraction of your time do you allocate to cyber networking and are you using it to nurture and develop meaningful relationships with your loved ones while still functioning at your full capacity in your world?
What are your thoughts?
Sending some love your way
Now imagine being in a world where you could walk around poking at people and occasionally being poked at too, a world where you could literally peep into people’s lives without being told off for it and where you could hang out with the gossip lady of the century. You see, this gossip lady would be able to keep you entertained and ‘filled-in’ for days on end. She could tell you who’s married to who; who’s engaged to who; who just had a baby; who’s still single or just got single again; you could eavesdrop on conversations without being incriminated for it(and never mind mum’s advice not to eavesdrop on the conversation of others lest the gossip is about you and you’d be better off not hearing it).This gossip lady would also regularly recommend people that you might possibly want to befriend with the option of ‘unfriending’ them later on if you so wished. As with all gossips, this gossip lady would be well known for being unable to keep secrets and therefore would not make a good confidante. Oddly enough on a daily basis she would have people ‘confiding publicly’ in her and telling her things they probably would never be able to say to anyone else. But of course she never keeps juicy bits of information to herself. She could be likened to a blabbermouth who never gets tired of receiving and dishing out information as it comes. In this world ,in addition to listening to people venting out publicly, you would also be free to throw a tantrum too if you so wished….even grown ups would have this privilege that is somewhat akin to a toddler venting out at the shopping mall in the presence of hundreds of onlookers. Imagine no longer, for this world does exist!
Welcome to the world of social networking. Like anything else in life, social networking sites can be a good tool for just that…..social networking! They are great tools when used for connecting loved ones far and wide but they do not make for good masters. With the emergence of the smart phones, most people who do make use of these sites and are logged in on-the-go, will carry this buzzing world that is always laden with ‘top news’ or ‘breaking news’ type stories, in their pockets and occasionally be glancing or checking in and out to see who’s doing what, who’s saying what and what new notifications are there. Any bit of news you put out into it will circle your network at an impressive speed. And oh yes, you can get poked or ‘super poked’ (ouch) by strangers and friends and you can poke them back too if you so wish.
One has to wonder though, are we really designed with the capacity to meaningfully engage with hundreds (for some) of people at any one given season of life on a one to one and regular basis while at the same time continuing to nurture the ‘non-cyber’ relationships we have ? Where is the line marked for healthy cyber social networking?
I am not against this relatively new (well, for some anyway) phenomena….as evidenced by the fact that you will find me on Facebook. However, when you find yourself flourishing more in your cyber life than in your normal day to day life, then you do need to stop and evaluate. If you have hundreds of cyber friends that you don’t meet with for a catch up now and again in the real world, prefer being on these sites to chatting with the other people in your world and you cannot go for a good while without checking into your account or find yourself reaching out for your phone first thing when your eyes open in the morning and last thing before you close them at night then you do need to rethink your priorities and be honest with yourself...are you addicted to these sites?
While a lot of the things that break the code of acceptable conduct in real life may be permissible in this world, remember that not all things are beneficial. Value your time and use it wisely. These sites are great business tools ,make it easy to keep in touch with friends and family, help to reconnect you with old friends as well as making it possible to plan small events but they make lousy masters. Its not life threatening to be unaware or out of touch with the latest news on who’s said what, who likes something, who’s going where and all the bits of news that you gather there. Used in moderation, they are great but once you abuse or misuse them; even the greatest inventions can become threats that rob you of your valuable asset of time. So next time you are tempted to spend hours'peeping' through your friends' 'windows' on facebook because mum's not there to pinch your ear or tell you off for being idle,remind yourself of the value of your time. What fraction of your time do you allocate to cyber networking and are you using it to nurture and develop meaningful relationships with your loved ones while still functioning at your full capacity in your world?
What are your thoughts?
Sending some love your way
Monday, 20 June 2011
Penny Wise
Ever found yourself in a season in which you had to literally turn each dollar twice before spending it? Trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents? A season of financial stretching in which you really had to “cut your cloth according to your measure”
Seasons like these are the norm rather than the exception for the most people around the world nowadays as living costs continue to soar in the face of limping economies which just cannot seem to gather any pace, insatiable natural disasters as well as wars and rumours of wars.
With the benefit of bit of hindsight, my fair share of mistakes and victories, I thought I’d share some hints and tips that have seen me through many “penny wise” moments. One of the key lessons that I have learnt in this area has been that it is vital to take ownership of our most valuable resource – time – the only currency that each of us has to spend which is absolutely irreplaceable. Combined with our expertise, a good set of skills and most importantly wisdom, our currency of time is a formidable weapon in our quest for victory over penny wise situations.
Most of us will have a good idea on how much our total household income amounts to either weekly, monthly or annually – but without a budget, it will be almost impossible to track where it goes. So to start with I would suggest tracking where your hard-earned income is ending up by preparing a budget. This will help you to have an idea of what to trim off and where to make changes. Don’t be afraid or intimidated by the idea of a budget. It’s not a form of imprisonment but rather, it will help you to monitor your expenses in relation to your income. Your budget is your friend. Take time to plan it carefully and be disciplined enough to stick to it so that you spend less than what you earn.
In addition to preparing a budget, do shop smartly. Depending on where you live in the world, smart shopping can save you lots. Get loyalty cards if the shops you get your groceries from have them. If you already are going to buy anyway, then you might as well enjoy the rewards that come with the accumulation of loyalty points. Just don’t get tempted to make unnecessary purchase s in the hope of accumulating points. They will add up eventually and you can redeem them for a shopping voucher or whatever else they offer once you have earned enough points. In some countries, coupons are widely and easily available…use them! If you struggle with impulse buying then try the online shopping facility which most shops have. Ever gone into a shop to pick up just a handful of items, taken a basket and after a few minutes up and down the aisles you find yourself heading to the door to get a trolley because there are too many ‘specials’? An hour later you emerge with a trolley and a bill more than you had planned for initially. One way to avoid this dilemma is to only carry and use cash.
Yes, carrying the specific amount you need to use will instantly curb the ability to impulse buy although not the desire. Unfortunately even if the desire is there,it cannot be satisfied because you cant spend what you don’t have. Carrying cash means you do get to think about each purchase. Sometimes using bank cards doesn’t feel like you are using ‘real’ money until the statement comes then you realise that the figures indicate ‘real’ money alright. With cash, once you’ve spent it all, you see that its finished but with some cards, once its finished it begins to dig into some other ‘source’ that allows you to go deeper under the ‘empty’ level and leave you in debt and owing the bank.
Don’t buy something just because it’s on sale. Even if it’s on sale, ask yourself if you really need it. Buying something just because its on sale and then not using it is like literally throwing out the money. Make the most of your local markets for fresh produce. Buy fresh fruit and vegetables in season and clothes out of season. This does save you heaps especially if you have young kids! At the end of each season most shops will have massive sales where you can save more than seventy five percent depending on where you live. This is a good time to buy clothes for the next year and for my children I normally just buy a size up so that they can use these the following year.
In addition to being much cheaper, buying fresh food in season will ensure that you get optimum nutrition at a good price. Fruit always tastes better too when it’s in season. I also believe that each place bears certain fruit in particular seasons because the nutrients in those fruits are what our bodies need for optimum health during that season and help to prepare for the next season.
If you have gym membership that you got as one of your new year’s resolutions and you pay monthly but still have it on your ‘to visit list’ then you are better off cancelling your membership and making use of the free local sporting facilities. Some schools will allow you to use their tennis courts for free and you could turn this into a great and fun way to exercise as a family if you have one. A soccer ball can work wonders for your fitness if you make use of local parks. There are basketball courts too and jogging is another great form of exercise….just be sure to get proper running shoes!
So, overall, keep a tab on how much you spend in relation to your earnings. Live within your means and cut your cloth according to the measure you have. If you are already in financial doldrums, keep calm; get financially literate by investing in good books on the subject of ‘money’ and take up the challenge until you get to the shores of financial freedom.
Till next time…thanks for stopping by
Seasons like these are the norm rather than the exception for the most people around the world nowadays as living costs continue to soar in the face of limping economies which just cannot seem to gather any pace, insatiable natural disasters as well as wars and rumours of wars.
With the benefit of bit of hindsight, my fair share of mistakes and victories, I thought I’d share some hints and tips that have seen me through many “penny wise” moments. One of the key lessons that I have learnt in this area has been that it is vital to take ownership of our most valuable resource – time – the only currency that each of us has to spend which is absolutely irreplaceable. Combined with our expertise, a good set of skills and most importantly wisdom, our currency of time is a formidable weapon in our quest for victory over penny wise situations.
Most of us will have a good idea on how much our total household income amounts to either weekly, monthly or annually – but without a budget, it will be almost impossible to track where it goes. So to start with I would suggest tracking where your hard-earned income is ending up by preparing a budget. This will help you to have an idea of what to trim off and where to make changes. Don’t be afraid or intimidated by the idea of a budget. It’s not a form of imprisonment but rather, it will help you to monitor your expenses in relation to your income. Your budget is your friend. Take time to plan it carefully and be disciplined enough to stick to it so that you spend less than what you earn.
In addition to preparing a budget, do shop smartly. Depending on where you live in the world, smart shopping can save you lots. Get loyalty cards if the shops you get your groceries from have them. If you already are going to buy anyway, then you might as well enjoy the rewards that come with the accumulation of loyalty points. Just don’t get tempted to make unnecessary purchase s in the hope of accumulating points. They will add up eventually and you can redeem them for a shopping voucher or whatever else they offer once you have earned enough points. In some countries, coupons are widely and easily available…use them! If you struggle with impulse buying then try the online shopping facility which most shops have. Ever gone into a shop to pick up just a handful of items, taken a basket and after a few minutes up and down the aisles you find yourself heading to the door to get a trolley because there are too many ‘specials’? An hour later you emerge with a trolley and a bill more than you had planned for initially. One way to avoid this dilemma is to only carry and use cash.
Yes, carrying the specific amount you need to use will instantly curb the ability to impulse buy although not the desire. Unfortunately even if the desire is there,it cannot be satisfied because you cant spend what you don’t have. Carrying cash means you do get to think about each purchase. Sometimes using bank cards doesn’t feel like you are using ‘real’ money until the statement comes then you realise that the figures indicate ‘real’ money alright. With cash, once you’ve spent it all, you see that its finished but with some cards, once its finished it begins to dig into some other ‘source’ that allows you to go deeper under the ‘empty’ level and leave you in debt and owing the bank.
Don’t buy something just because it’s on sale. Even if it’s on sale, ask yourself if you really need it. Buying something just because its on sale and then not using it is like literally throwing out the money. Make the most of your local markets for fresh produce. Buy fresh fruit and vegetables in season and clothes out of season. This does save you heaps especially if you have young kids! At the end of each season most shops will have massive sales where you can save more than seventy five percent depending on where you live. This is a good time to buy clothes for the next year and for my children I normally just buy a size up so that they can use these the following year.
In addition to being much cheaper, buying fresh food in season will ensure that you get optimum nutrition at a good price. Fruit always tastes better too when it’s in season. I also believe that each place bears certain fruit in particular seasons because the nutrients in those fruits are what our bodies need for optimum health during that season and help to prepare for the next season.
If you have gym membership that you got as one of your new year’s resolutions and you pay monthly but still have it on your ‘to visit list’ then you are better off cancelling your membership and making use of the free local sporting facilities. Some schools will allow you to use their tennis courts for free and you could turn this into a great and fun way to exercise as a family if you have one. A soccer ball can work wonders for your fitness if you make use of local parks. There are basketball courts too and jogging is another great form of exercise….just be sure to get proper running shoes!
So, overall, keep a tab on how much you spend in relation to your earnings. Live within your means and cut your cloth according to the measure you have. If you are already in financial doldrums, keep calm; get financially literate by investing in good books on the subject of ‘money’ and take up the challenge until you get to the shores of financial freedom.
Till next time…thanks for stopping by
Friday, 17 June 2011
'Garden boys' and 'House girls'
If you have at one stage or another lived in Africa then you are most likely to have come across either a 'garden boy' and a 'house girl' or both. These are not the most endearing of terms and are not age determined either, but more a description of function or role. In a recent phone conversation, my cousin relayed her dilemma to me : She had gone without her 'house girl' for a whole week. This left her struggling to cope as she had to juggle the mundane day-to-day tasks. Her "situation" got me thinking.
Why are these grown men and women still referred to as 'girls' and 'boys'? It is not uncommon in Africa to find either of these terms being used in reference to men and women well into their sixties. While this may not be a picture or story unique to parts of Africa, for the sake of those who have no comprehension of what I'm going on about, I'll briefly outline the role descriptions that you are more than likely to find being associated with the either of the above terms.
And so in short, a house girl is ,'a maid or housekeeper' and a garden boy is essentially 'a gardener' whose broad list of responsibility spans from tending the garden to a host of other bits and bobs that veer far from the gardening and landscaping domain and encroach into territories that include but are not limited to: washing the car, running errands, repairing kids bicycles and a whole host of other handy-man-type responsibilities.
Maybe the terms are a depiction of the domain or territory in which they each bring their primary expertise.
In the case of the house girl, her domain is the house (inside that is) or rather the home as more often than not she is also be expected to help rear the children, mind and love the pets plus all and sundry that makes a house a home.
Levels of responsibility and privilege each brings to their role will vary widely across homes. Generally, the rule of thumb in surbubia Africa (at least in the part of Africa I was raised), is that the suburban home should be maintained at mile-high standards of utmost cleanliness and guess who the undisputed winner of that wonderful responsibility is? Great work! Yes - the maid.
The general notion is that the work commanded by these jobs cannot be hard work since it requires no tertiary training of any sort. After all, its just about keeping a house neat and tidy , organizing meals, tending to the kids, doing the laundry and making sure everything is where it should be - clothes clean, pressed and neatly packed away into clean and fresh smelling wardrobes; floors are swept,scrubbed ,mopped and polished to a shine; carpets are shampooed every so often but cleaned (using a hand brush in most cases) daily. Windows are cleaned periodically and if meal planning and cooking are part of the package then she has to also do this.
'Wow!',you gasp, 'they must be raking in the money!'. Well, not really. You see, its worthwhile noting that both of the jobs under discussion here are by no means esteemed - far from it! These jobs are considered menial, for the uneducated and those with few other options such as the 'poor' who are the uncontested "majority shareholders" of the lowest economic stratum of society.
For those employers' of house girls and garden boys as well as the casual observers who at some point venture outside of Africa they do receive an 'awakening' of sorts as they find out that the services rendered to them by their former employees do not come cheap. There are no house girls and no garden boys in the western world. Instead there are 'Landscape Artists', 'housekeepers' and 'butlers' who are very adequately remunerated for the hours that they put in.
Oprah would call it a kind of 'Aha' moment. Only then do people realise that it certainly does take skill, organisational management and dedication to run a home smoothly. It takes patience and dedication to keep the house in a somewhat 'okay' condition and still have time for personal grooming and just plain heartfelt laughter.
Juggling work, school, chores, family and a healthy social life without an extra pair of hands takes more than just dedication and self discipline. Trying to juggle too many balls without the skill will only result in some of them falling. It's only through God's grace, grace and more grace that one can get the strength and ability to juggle all these responsibilities.
So, if you do have wonderful helping hands around your home, do take time to thank them ,to thank God and if you are able, do surprise them with an unexpected bonus. Here's to the men and women who lend their hands and time to making the lives of thousands of people comfortable even if it is for very little financial reward and little or next-to-no self development in some cases. It takes heart, skill and love to do what they do.
Till next time...
Why are these grown men and women still referred to as 'girls' and 'boys'? It is not uncommon in Africa to find either of these terms being used in reference to men and women well into their sixties. While this may not be a picture or story unique to parts of Africa, for the sake of those who have no comprehension of what I'm going on about, I'll briefly outline the role descriptions that you are more than likely to find being associated with the either of the above terms.
And so in short, a house girl is ,'a maid or housekeeper' and a garden boy is essentially 'a gardener' whose broad list of responsibility spans from tending the garden to a host of other bits and bobs that veer far from the gardening and landscaping domain and encroach into territories that include but are not limited to: washing the car, running errands, repairing kids bicycles and a whole host of other handy-man-type responsibilities.
Maybe the terms are a depiction of the domain or territory in which they each bring their primary expertise.
In the case of the house girl, her domain is the house (inside that is) or rather the home as more often than not she is also be expected to help rear the children, mind and love the pets plus all and sundry that makes a house a home.
Levels of responsibility and privilege each brings to their role will vary widely across homes. Generally, the rule of thumb in surbubia Africa (at least in the part of Africa I was raised), is that the suburban home should be maintained at mile-high standards of utmost cleanliness and guess who the undisputed winner of that wonderful responsibility is? Great work! Yes - the maid.
The general notion is that the work commanded by these jobs cannot be hard work since it requires no tertiary training of any sort. After all, its just about keeping a house neat and tidy , organizing meals, tending to the kids, doing the laundry and making sure everything is where it should be - clothes clean, pressed and neatly packed away into clean and fresh smelling wardrobes; floors are swept,scrubbed ,mopped and polished to a shine; carpets are shampooed every so often but cleaned (using a hand brush in most cases) daily. Windows are cleaned periodically and if meal planning and cooking are part of the package then she has to also do this.
'Wow!',you gasp, 'they must be raking in the money!'. Well, not really. You see, its worthwhile noting that both of the jobs under discussion here are by no means esteemed - far from it! These jobs are considered menial, for the uneducated and those with few other options such as the 'poor' who are the uncontested "majority shareholders" of the lowest economic stratum of society.
For those employers' of house girls and garden boys as well as the casual observers who at some point venture outside of Africa they do receive an 'awakening' of sorts as they find out that the services rendered to them by their former employees do not come cheap. There are no house girls and no garden boys in the western world. Instead there are 'Landscape Artists', 'housekeepers' and 'butlers' who are very adequately remunerated for the hours that they put in.
Oprah would call it a kind of 'Aha' moment. Only then do people realise that it certainly does take skill, organisational management and dedication to run a home smoothly. It takes patience and dedication to keep the house in a somewhat 'okay' condition and still have time for personal grooming and just plain heartfelt laughter.
Juggling work, school, chores, family and a healthy social life without an extra pair of hands takes more than just dedication and self discipline. Trying to juggle too many balls without the skill will only result in some of them falling. It's only through God's grace, grace and more grace that one can get the strength and ability to juggle all these responsibilities.
So, if you do have wonderful helping hands around your home, do take time to thank them ,to thank God and if you are able, do surprise them with an unexpected bonus. Here's to the men and women who lend their hands and time to making the lives of thousands of people comfortable even if it is for very little financial reward and little or next-to-no self development in some cases. It takes heart, skill and love to do what they do.
Till next time...
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