The Buzz

Growing up, social etiquette lessons were a major part of my everyday life. Some behaviour was just plainly not acceptable and you had to learn until you knew right from wrong and until that ‘knowing’ became almost like second nature. You could liken it to walking. Do you remember being taught to walk? Do you still think about which foot to put in front of the other and how to lift it when you walk? If you’ve ever seen a baby learning to walk (and I take it that if you are old enough to read this then at some point you would have witnessed some of these ‘walking lessons’) then you would know that we all have been taught to walk but because we have mastered it we do not have to consciously think about it now. Some of these unacceptable breaches of social etiquette that, unlike walking, I remember being taught about and ended up ‘mastering’ them included: not peeping into people’s houses, not pointing a finger at someone, not gossiping or entertaining gossip and the list goes on. One of the dictionary definitions of gossip is, ‘idle talk or rumour about others’ private lives’.

Now imagine being in a world where you could walk around poking at people and occasionally being poked at too, a world where you could literally peep into people’s lives without being told off for it and where you could hang out with the gossip lady of the century. You see, this gossip lady would be able to keep you entertained and ‘filled-in’ for days on end. She could tell you who’s married to who; who’s engaged to who; who just had a baby; who’s still single or just got single again; you could eavesdrop on conversations without being incriminated for it(and never mind mum’s advice not to eavesdrop on the conversation of others lest the gossip is about you and you’d be better off not hearing it).This gossip lady would also regularly recommend people that you might possibly want to befriend with the option of ‘unfriending’ them later on if you so wished. As with all gossips, this gossip lady would be well known for being unable to keep secrets and therefore would not make a good confidante. Oddly enough on a daily basis she would have people ‘confiding publicly’ in her and telling her things they probably would never be able to say to anyone else. But of course she never keeps juicy bits of information to herself. She could be likened to a blabbermouth who never gets tired of receiving and dishing out information as it comes. In this world ,in addition to listening to people venting out publicly, you would also be free to throw a tantrum too if you so wished….even grown ups would have this privilege that is somewhat akin to a toddler venting out at the shopping mall in the presence of hundreds of onlookers. Imagine no longer, for this world does exist!

Welcome to the world of social networking. Like anything else in life, social networking sites can be a good tool for just that…..social networking! They are great tools when used for connecting loved ones far and wide but they do not make for good masters. With the emergence of the smart phones, most people who do make use of these sites and are logged in on-the-go, will carry this buzzing world that is always laden with ‘top news’ or ‘breaking news’ type stories, in their pockets and occasionally be glancing or checking in and out to see who’s doing what, who’s saying what and what new notifications are there. Any bit of news you put out into it will circle your network at an impressive speed. And oh yes, you can get poked or ‘super poked’ (ouch) by strangers and friends and you can poke them back too if you so wish.
One has to wonder though, are we really designed with the capacity to meaningfully engage with hundreds (for some) of people at any one given season of life on a one to one and regular basis while at the same time continuing to nurture the ‘non-cyber’ relationships we have ? Where is the line marked for healthy cyber social networking?
I am not against this relatively new (well, for some anyway) phenomena….as evidenced by the fact that you will find me on Facebook. However, when you find yourself flourishing more in your cyber life than in your normal day to day life, then you do need to stop and evaluate. If you have hundreds of cyber friends that you don’t meet with for a catch up now and again in the real world, prefer being on these sites to chatting with the other people in your world and you cannot go for a good while without checking into your account or find yourself reaching out for your phone first thing when your eyes open in the morning and last thing before you close them at night then you do need to rethink your priorities and be honest with yourself...are you addicted to these sites?

While a lot of the things that break the code of acceptable conduct in real life may be permissible in this world, remember that not all things are beneficial. Value your time and use it wisely. These sites are great business tools ,make it easy to keep in touch with friends and family, help to reconnect you with old friends as well as making it possible to plan small events but they make lousy masters. Its not life threatening to be unaware or out of touch with the latest news on who’s said what, who likes something, who’s going where and all the bits of news that you gather there. Used in moderation, they are great but once you abuse or misuse them; even the greatest inventions can become threats that rob you of your valuable asset of time. So next time you are tempted to spend hours'peeping' through your friends' 'windows' on facebook because mum's not there to pinch your ear or tell you off for being idle,remind yourself of the value of your time. What fraction of your time do you allocate to cyber networking and are you using it to nurture and develop meaningful relationships with your loved ones while still functioning at your full capacity in your world?

What are your thoughts?

Sending some love your way

Penny Wise

Ever found yourself in a season in which you had to literally turn each dollar twice before spending it? Trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents? A season of financial stretching in which you really had to “cut your cloth according to your measure”

Seasons like these are the norm rather than the exception for the most people around the world nowadays as living costs continue to soar in the face of limping economies which just cannot seem to gather any pace, insatiable natural disasters as well as wars and rumours of wars.

With the benefit of bit of hindsight, my fair share of mistakes and victories, I thought I’d share some hints and tips that have seen me through many “penny wise” moments. One of the key lessons that I have learnt in this area has been that it is vital to take ownership of our most valuable resource – time – the only currency that each of us has to spend which is absolutely irreplaceable. Combined with our expertise, a good set of skills and most importantly wisdom, our currency of time is a formidable weapon in our quest for victory over penny wise situations.

Most of us will have a good idea on how much our total household income amounts to either weekly, monthly or annually – but without a budget, it will be almost impossible to track where it goes. So to start with I would suggest tracking where your hard-earned income is ending up by preparing a budget. This will help you to have an idea of what to trim off and where to make changes. Don’t be afraid or intimidated by the idea of a budget. It’s not a form of imprisonment but rather, it will help you to monitor your expenses in relation to your income. Your budget is your friend. Take time to plan it carefully and be disciplined enough to stick to it so that you spend less than what you earn.

In addition to preparing a budget, do shop smartly. Depending on where you live in the world, smart shopping can save you lots. Get loyalty cards if the shops you get your groceries from have them. If you already are going to buy anyway, then you might as well enjoy the rewards that come with the accumulation of loyalty points. Just don’t get tempted to make unnecessary purchase s in the hope of accumulating points. They will add up eventually and you can redeem them for a shopping voucher or whatever else they offer once you have earned enough points. In some countries, coupons are widely and easily available…use them! If you struggle with impulse buying then try the online shopping facility which most shops have. Ever gone into a shop to pick up just a handful of items, taken a basket and after a few minutes up and down the aisles you find yourself heading to the door to get a trolley because there are too many ‘specials’? An hour later you emerge with a trolley and a bill more than you had planned for initially. One way to avoid this dilemma is to only carry and use cash.

Yes, carrying the specific amount you need to use will instantly curb the ability to impulse buy although not the desire. Unfortunately even if the desire is there,it cannot be satisfied because you cant spend what you don’t have. Carrying cash means you do get to think about each purchase. Sometimes using bank cards doesn’t feel like you are using ‘real’ money until the statement comes then you realise that the figures indicate ‘real’ money alright. With cash, once you’ve spent it all, you see that its finished but with some cards, once its finished it begins to dig into some other ‘source’ that allows you to go deeper under the ‘empty’ level and leave you in debt and owing the bank.

Don’t buy something just because it’s on sale. Even if it’s on sale, ask yourself if you really need it. Buying something just because its on sale and then not using it is like literally throwing out the money. Make the most of your local markets for fresh produce. Buy fresh fruit and vegetables in season and clothes out of season. This does save you heaps especially if you have young kids! At the end of each season most shops will have massive sales where you can save more than seventy five percent depending on where you live. This is a good time to buy clothes for the next year and for my children I normally just buy a size up so that they can use these the following year.

In addition to being much cheaper, buying fresh food in season will ensure that you get optimum nutrition at a good price. Fruit always tastes better too when it’s in season. I also believe that each place bears certain fruit in particular seasons because the nutrients in those fruits are what our bodies need for optimum health during that season and help to prepare for the next season.

If you have gym membership that you got as one of your new year’s resolutions and you pay monthly but still have it on your ‘to visit list’ then you are better off cancelling your membership and making use of the free local sporting facilities. Some schools will allow you to use their tennis courts for free and you could turn this into a great and fun way to exercise as a family if you have one. A soccer ball can work wonders for your fitness if you make use of local parks. There are basketball courts too and jogging is another great form of exercise….just be sure to get proper running shoes!

So, overall, keep a tab on how much you spend in relation to your earnings. Live within your means and cut your cloth according to the measure you have. If you are already in financial doldrums, keep calm; get financially literate by investing in good books on the subject of ‘money’ and take up the challenge until you get to the shores of financial freedom.
Till next time…thanks for stopping by

'Garden boys' and 'House girls'

If you have at one stage or another lived in Africa then you are most likely to have come across either a 'garden boy' and a 'house girl' or both. These are not the most endearing of terms and are not age determined either, but more a description of function or role. In a recent phone conversation, my cousin relayed her dilemma to me : She had gone without her 'house girl' for a whole week. This left her struggling to cope as she had to juggle the mundane day-to-day tasks. Her "situation" got me thinking.

Why are these grown men and women still referred to as 'girls' and 'boys'? It is not uncommon in Africa to find either of these terms being used in reference to men and women well into their sixties. While this may not be a picture or story unique to parts of Africa, for the sake of those who have no comprehension of what I'm going on about, I'll briefly outline the role descriptions that you are more than likely to find being associated with the either of the above terms.

And so in short, a house girl is ,'a maid or housekeeper' and a garden boy is essentially 'a gardener' whose broad list of responsibility spans from tending the garden to a host of other bits and bobs that veer far from the gardening and landscaping domain and encroach into territories that include but are not limited to: washing the car, running errands, repairing kids bicycles and a whole host of other handy-man-type responsibilities.

Maybe the terms are a depiction of the domain or territory in which they each bring their primary expertise.

In the case of the house girl, her domain is the house (inside that is) or rather the home as more often than not she is also be expected to help rear the children, mind and love the pets plus all and sundry that makes a house a home.

Levels of responsibility and privilege each brings to their role will vary widely across homes. Generally, the rule of thumb in surbubia Africa (at least in the part of Africa I was raised), is that the suburban home should be maintained at mile-high standards of utmost cleanliness and guess who the undisputed winner of that wonderful responsibility is? Great work! Yes - the maid.

The general notion is that the work commanded by these jobs cannot be hard work since it requires no tertiary training of any sort. After all, its just about keeping a house neat and tidy , organizing meals, tending to the kids, doing the laundry and making sure everything is where it should be - clothes clean, pressed and neatly packed away into clean and fresh smelling wardrobes; floors are swept,scrubbed ,mopped and polished to a shine; carpets are shampooed every so often but cleaned (using a hand brush in most cases) daily. Windows are cleaned periodically and if meal planning and cooking are part of the package then she has to also do this.

'Wow!',you gasp, 'they must be raking in the money!'. Well, not really. You see, its worthwhile noting that both of the jobs under discussion here are by no means esteemed - far from it! These jobs are considered menial, for the uneducated and those with few other options such as the 'poor' who are the uncontested "majority shareholders" of the lowest economic stratum of society.

For those employers' of house girls and garden boys as well as the casual observers who at some point venture outside of Africa they do receive an 'awakening' of sorts as they find out that the services rendered to them by their former employees do not come cheap. There are no house girls and no garden boys in the western world. Instead there are 'Landscape Artists', 'housekeepers' and 'butlers' who are very adequately remunerated for the hours that they put in.
Oprah would call it a kind of 'Aha' moment. Only then do people realise that it certainly does take skill, organisational management and dedication to run a home smoothly. It takes patience and dedication to keep the house in a somewhat 'okay' condition and still have time for personal grooming and just plain heartfelt laughter.

Juggling  work, school, chores, family and a healthy social life without an extra pair of hands takes more than just dedication and self discipline. Trying to juggle too many balls without the skill will only result in some of them falling. It's only through God's grace, grace and more grace that one can get the strength and ability to juggle all these responsibilities.

So, if you do have wonderful helping hands around your home, do take time to thank them ,to thank God and if you are able, do surprise them with an unexpected bonus. Here's to the men and women who lend their hands and time to making the lives of thousands of people comfortable even if it is for very little financial reward and little or next-to-no self development in some cases. It takes heart, skill and love to do what they do.

Till next time...

Why Play? part 2

Over the years,  as a mother and nurturer, I have noticed that one of the greatest benefits of letting children be children, is that it awakens the creativity that lies within them. 

By definition, creativity is ‘the ability to transcend traditional ideas, and to create meaningful new ones, using  new methods and interpretations’. In short it is originality. 

But this got me wondering - "Does creativity need nurturing or is it best left to its own devices?, Is it not just natural and should therefore be left to emerge of its own accord?" The trouble is that as is common knowledge and a well known fact - anything left to itself can and will eventually decay. It’s a natural law and creativity is no exception to this law. Creativity whether in adults of children needs to be fed and cared if is to thrive rather than survive and eventually decay for want of "growth fodder" and nurturing. 

So while childrens' creative abilities may vary, each child still needs a secure and conducive environment that will allow them to flourish, grow and shine. This can be achieved by free, quiet, and unhurried time, all children need to know that they are valued and accepted just as they are, at every age and every stage of their lives. This confidence and security will set the stage for their personal growth - but this does not mean that they have to be perfect. Children don’t have to be ‘perfect’ to be acceptable. After all even we as adults are not perfect, and being just as human as our children are - why should we expect them to be? The expectations of perfection are a great source of stress for children, inhibit creativity and are akin to pouring water over a wood fire. In my experience both in growing up and raising my own kids, taking away the pressure and stress that comes from being too pushy from children’s lives helps to facilitate growth and creativity. 

In my previous post I explored how play is essential and necessary for any and every child's creativity. Have you ever given a very young child a boxed toy and after taking it out of the box, they put the toy aside and play with the box?! When my eldest son was a little younger he could create toys from the strangest of objects: from amusing himself by finding a dozen uses for wooden spoons, a bucket of pegs, and a whole lot of other ‘non play items’. The wooden spoon could move from being a puppet to being a microphone, then a drumstick before being turned into a guitar. Creativity relies more on the imagination of the person rather than what is in their hands. Therefore, there really is no need to break the bank when it comes to getting toys for kids. Kids toys should be used only as aids to enhance play not to substitute originality and imagination that is allowed to flow freely. 

Nowadays, there is such a wide range of toys to choose from and so many of them claim to have educational benefits for the child. I personally have found the more traditional, mechanical toys to be very good for creative play on many different levels. To start with, they do not have pre-programmed responses which tend to undermine a child’s own imagination. They encourage children to come up with their own characters and give them their own voice and personality.This means that the child becomes the creator or director of the play at hand. Real creativity does not need fancy technology or expensive gadgets. Needless to say most of the ‘character’ type toys and different electronic gadgets are fun but there is always a new one around the corner just waiting to be unleashed and of course the biggest profits are raked in, not through the educational benefit by the children but by the corporate world. A lot of brands are named after geniuses such as Mozart and Einstein who ironically never had all these gadgets available to them. What they used and developed was that ‘creativity’ that cannot be bought and does not come in a box.  They got the chance to come up with their own characters, think up their own games, learn using the world around them and get to wonder about things. Age appropriate puzzles are another of my favorites  and definitely good for problem solving as well as improving attention span. I have noticed that construction kits stir up the imagination and leave them with endless possibilities of original creations outside of the design that comes on the manual. 

 Take your children to the parks if you do not have a garden to let them play freely in a safe environment and let them explore and enjoy the outdoors which helps to awaken wonderment of the beauty around them. 

As I conclude, I cannot help but reflect on the fact that once upon a time play was the ‘default leisure setting’ for children. Let us do our best to preserve it for our children and generations to come. How have you helped to preserve this childhood treasure of learning through play in your own home or for the kids in your world? Here’s to all you wonderful parents, uncles, aunties, grandmas and grandpas for giving the children in your world time and room to grow - and above all ... to be as creative as they can be . Till the next time... thanks for reading.

Why play?

‘Mum we’re bored’, does not send me into panic mode, make me wreck my head and look through the budget for ‘boredom curing’ activities for my children. They are kids and kids should be allowed to become ‘bored’. Its part and parcel of being a child and it’s not entirely a bad thing. It fuels their creativity. Nowadays the culture is such that as parents we are often pressured (consciously or sub consciously) into keeping our kids entertained and occupied. Most kids already have schedules that are filled with organised and paid for activities that they are hardly left with any energy or desire for creative free play. Yes, it is not uncommon these days for young children to be as stressed out as adults. Now I’m not against children being engaged in organised sport and extra curricula activities as these structured activities are very beneficial to their overall development and growth. However, as parents we do need to know where to draw the line and give our kids space and time to ‘just be’. Kids need to be kids, to be allowed to be the young, immature, curious and creative little beings that they are. They need to play. It keeps them happy, healthy and definitely reduces stress. After all, childhood should be stress free!

When I was a child I remember that often we would be told to ‘Go and play outside’. Usually we would go outside with no fancy battery operated toys or instructions on what games we were supposed to play and how to play them. We were just told to ‘play’ and so that’s what we did. We played. Mum and dad didn’t have to organise our every activity. In fact, ironically, boredom was actually good ‘creativity fuel’. We played with friends, played with sticks, leaves, clay, we played with one or two dolls, and we conjured up games of all sorts. One ball was enough to keep us entertained and occupied for hours. To be honest, our entertainment comprised mostly of non bought or paid for activities. Sometimes we would get bruises and cry but they always healed and that didn’t stop us from venturing out to play again. I remember spending hours with friends building ‘fairy houses’ in the garden out of flowers, pebbles, leaves and twigs, I remember the sweet mango infused smell of the air around the time when mangoes ripened, I remember sometimes just sitting outside with a good book and getting lost in the story while hearing the background noises of friends and other kids playing, laughing, crying and sometimes even fighting. The playground was a good place of exploration, experimentation, learning and lots of fun. Play is fun. It is what children do and it’s how they learn best. While we may not have the freedom that was enjoyed by most parents years ago of letting children just play in the street with all the other neighbours’ kids, we still need to let our children enjoy this fundamentally important world of play. In a child’s world play is very ‘intellectual’. Through it, they learn social skills, problem solving, how to be attentive, respect for others and a whole lot more. Children take in more when we create an environment that encourages them to desire, love and be enthusiastic about certain things rather than when they are forced to ‘learn’ in pressured environments. Incorporating learning into play in subtle ways that kindle the hunger to learn more will go a long way as they will learn without even knowing that they are learning.

In my next post I will share some of what I’ve learnt in my journey so far as a parent, aunt and sister with regards to the many ways in which we can nurture the creativity that our kids carry and help to create happy childhood memories so that when the stressful bill paying, responsibility laden years kick in, hopefully those memories will put a smile on their faces as they ‘happily’ sign the check for the electricity bill.

I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas. What memories of ‘play’ from your childhood do you hold dear and treasure to this day and what simple games would you want to pass on to your children and maybe also ‘relive’ those playground memories as you join in with your kids to explore the wonderful world of play?