Roots

Most, if not all families have some sort of drama going on. As can be expected, the larger the family, the more the drama. This however is not in any way an indication that family is not necessary or important. In most parts of Africa when people are introduced to each other especially to elderly folk, they will normally ask about family names, lineage, villages of origin,and a whole lot more 'root search' oriented type questions. All the while the endeavor being to try and establish some sort of connection to each other. If it does happen that there is one common ancestor friend or acquaintance, kinship of sorts is immediately established, no matter how distant or far fetched the ties are. Family relations are very important and highly valued although of course, those squabbles and rivalries within families abound.

When we lived in Australia, somehow the distance and different time zones made us feel in some ways a bit untethered to family. Despite the advanced technology, there was still that certain level of disconnectedness especially given that it was so costly to think of regularly visiting relatives and family in Africa. There's only so much you can share over the phone and as the years pile up, it seems the conversations can get shorter especially for kids because what do you talk about when your day to day worlds are so different and thats before you even put into consideration the time difference. When they were up we were sleeping and vice versa and so phone calls had to be planned carefully so you could at least find them awake enough for a decent conversation. Geographical proximity to family was one of the push factors that saw us bidding farewell to The Land Down Under.

Family gives one a place of belonging and identity. Recently I took my kids to Zimbabwe, my home country to meet the family and to be honest I was as nervous as I was excited on the way there. Would they bond with the cousins they had never met, would they know how to relate to the grandparents they had only gotten to know over the phone and through photos but on whose knees they had never had the chance to sit on, had never had the chance to play whatever games it is grandparents play with their grandkids or ever felt the warm cushiony feel of grandma.Grandma's scent and touch could not be transmitted over the phone, she had never wiped the tears off their cheeks or kissed their bruised knees better when they fell. Would they relate like total strangers? Would there be such a huge gap between them and their family relations filled with nothing but polite conversation with no soul or depth? Of course I was excited but not sure what to expect ....would the years and distance have erected a wall or would the love in our hearts make the connection instant?

When we arrived at Harare airport, my dad was waiting for us and my son somehow spotted him and they started waving at each other as we collected our baggage. The excitement that my kids expressed upon seeing their grandfather overwhelmed me. The way they ran to him and embraced him was as though they had always known each other. Immediately my heart smiled, I was filled with inexpressible joy, I was back home. By the time I walked through the airport gates, grandpa and his grandkids were already chit chatting.

Throughout our three weeks amongst family I watched with a warm heart as my kids enjoyed bonding with the family they had never met before. There were no formalities, no dinner appointments...the informal order of everyday made each and every moment special. One day as we lay in bed my older son who is now 7 sighed deeply and said, 'Mum, it feels so nice to be surrounded by so many people who love us and that we love. I want it to always be this way. I really feel like I'm at home'. In that moment it dawned on me that as parents, no matter how much we shower our kids with love, we can never substitute aunts, uncles, grandparents or cousins for those relationships are totally different and designed uniquely. Children need those types of bonds , they provide them with a sense of security which is irreplaceable.

Family relations in which the members are joined together by a thread of love provide a firm and solid rock that gives one a place of belonging. Even that tame never ending argument will not be strong enough to destroy the bond that was designed to be there amongst kinsfolk.

Often family is taken for granted. Jealousy, strife and pride are given room to erode the family unit, robbing the younger children of that priviledge to know, experience and feel the deep sense of security and protection that comes from being in a solid, united and loving family.

Needless to say, in the three weeks that we were there, bonds were strengthened. I once read a quote that read,"families are like fudge-mostly sweet with a few nuts". Don't give up on the sweetness of something so beautiful because of the few rough nuts (trust me, every family has some of those nuts-although some families have more than others!). Many tears were shed on the plane back to England but I was thankful that my children had got to experience what they experienced and hopefully will be experiencing more often now. I'm thankful for my family....its an honor to share and go through life surrounded by the kind of love which distance and time cannot erode.

Love and blessings